Friday, June 1, 2007


Hooray, it’s my Anniversary! A year ago this evening, I was having the time of my life at the gymnastics gym with James, putting him through the paces while easing back into it myself. It felt good. No, it felt great. At session’s end, I demonstrated a round-off the way round-offs are supposed to be done; aggressively!

Now, when you think about it, you will probably wonder how one can reconcile putting words like ‘ease’ and ‘aggressive’ in the same breath. In point of fact, you cannot! And that’s exactly what my body told me when I did it. “YOU CANNOT!” My right Achilles tendon snapped to drive the message home, and a year later, I can assure you that I got the message. A week immobile followed by surgery and months of ‘very poor jogging’ has conspired to convince me that I am no longer 18 years old. This seems like such a waste because I kind of knew that already, but there you have it. At the same time, life’s experiences can sometimes be used to learn lessons that at first blush do not appear to be directly associated.

Forever, it seemed, I could not stand on my own two feet. Undeniably, I needed to rely on the help of others, but I stubbornly did as much as I could on my own so as to not be a burden. This made life painfully slow at times, and no doubt in some cases just caused more grief. Looking back, I can see this more clearly. But at the time, I just didn’t see it that way.

That can also sum up much of my life. Looking around, it’s easy to see that this world isn’t a pretty place. It’s tough and full of huge challenges. On my own, I can’t exactly dance deftly across the stage of life. In fact, when I’m not relying completely on God’s power and mercy, I am immobile. You could say that I cannot stand on my own two feet. Undeniably, I need to rely on my Creator and follow His will for my life. However, I stubbornly do as much as I can on my own, presumably so as not to be a burden. This makes my Spiritual growth painfully slow, and ultimately has been the source of no end of grief. Reflecting on how God’s power and mercy has so strongly impacted my life, I can see this clearly. But when relying on my own eyesight and insight, I never can seem to see it that way.

The solution is pretty clear. I need to seek a better relationship with God aggressively and completely. And yet I tend to try to ease into it a little bit at a time. When you think about it, you probably wonder how you can reconcile putting words like ‘aggressive’ and ‘ease’ in the same breath. Well, in point of fact, you cannot.

That’s the message God gives to me in His word and through the experiences and challenges I’ve faced in my life. “You cannot.” I hope that I am able to hold onto the message.